I've had a subscription to Bon Appetit magazine for at least a decade, and I've been cooking recipes from the venerable old girl since my early teens. But I can't stay silent any longer. Bon Appetit irritates the hell out of me. That's right, I said hell. This poor old magazine got a makeover a year or so ago, which to my eye consisted of hiring a police photographer to do the food photography, and strangleworthy content editors. This month, there's an article on hosting cocktail parties. An achingly hip Brooklyn couple shares their secrets for the perfect party: "'When we host a party, we make everything ourselves, from the invitations to the absinthe, and encourage guests to dress for the occasion,' says Kate. 'Our love of old-world extravagance and well-crafted cocktails transforms our parties from get-togethers to grand events.'" Can't you just imagine Kate churning up a fresh batch of absinthe in the kitchen, pausing only to daub some ink on her vintage letterpress contraption? And her husband, Cory, has the stupidest handlebar moustache I've ever seen. Yes, I am being a little harsh. But there are so many ridiculous things in this issue. Like a recipe for conch fritters. Or a Christmas caipirinha with fresh mint (fresh mint? In December? I guess it gets shipped up from Chile, giant carbon footprint swaying in the breeze). Their "foodist" suggests bringing a host gift of chicken liver pate instead of a bottle of wine. He even goes so far as to suggest that you secretly stash the pate in the host's fridge, so they can discover it the next day and exclaim, "what the hell is this grey paste next to the ketchup?" All the food photography is just awful, harshly-lit birds-eye views of unfathomable food. Unnatural, unappetizing. And please, stop photographing models from the chin down. I feel like I'm reading a Fiona Apple video. OK, I realize none of you are here to read my Bon Appetit rant. :) So here's the good news. The recipe for Aunt Bill's candy on page 96 (by Molly of Orangette) looks really yummy, and I bet I'll be making a batch before the holidays are over. But the rest of the mag can bite me.